| Laid to rest |
[Mar. 3rd, 2030|03:03 am] |
| [ | I'm at |
| | home! | ] |
| [ | Feeling |
| | nerdy | ] |
| [ | Listening to |
| | your voice | ] |
Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress.
Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2010|12:40 am] |
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again I'm completely lost and confused.... I can never get it right... fucking feel like shit now and cb fyp need to rush for week 7 final presentation... and the thought of going to a bank and slog my ass of for intern next term sickens me. fuck this man. so tired. |
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| blood thirsty. |
[Oct. 17th, 2010|08:05 pm] |
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getting a 2nd and a 3rd... being pushed around categories... competing with veterans whom represented Singapore. Competing with people not supposed to be in my category. Made me blood thirsty for my 1st place. I want that trophy that spells CHAMPION 1ST PLACE. |
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| all time low. |
[Oct. 5th, 2010|11:38 pm] |
I've hit rock bottom...
Food is getting the better out of me. Stupid fucking competition changed me so much. Lost so many interests in so many once loved activities. Always so restless and it feels so hard to breathe. I've lost my will and determination to carry on, I've lost my stride to win the competition. The only wish I have now is to quickly end it. I really cannot take it anymore, after 10 weeks of grueling dieting, training and repeating it everyday. The amount of time, money and effort I've put into this competition has yet to reflect. 20 weeks 6 days of 2hr trainings, amounts to 240hrs of gym. Total cost of $1k+ and still counting going into supplements and enhancers and food. Training myself and others. Its all tearing me apart soon. The stress and pressure is on. Its not a sport anymore, its a job :(((
I don't like this, this is not what I want...
Someone save me, bring me a smile and a reason why I put myself through such torment.
Its going to be a long way up. |
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| I really do not know. |
[Oct. 4th, 2010|09:15 am] |
Where do I go from here...
Extremely disappointed, sad and speechless.
B B B C+ C D...
what the fuck? D?
what the fuck man seriously what the fuck.
I really do not know what's going on or what to do now...
:((( |
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| suck thumbs! |
[Oct. 3rd, 2010|12:53 am] |
xmm stay safe, have fun and don't drink so much :))).
exactly 2 more weeks to competition day. so excited yet so nervous :/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2010|10:32 pm] |
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fuck this I never ran in the end. =.= |
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| Short days long nights. |
[Sep. 29th, 2010|08:57 pm] |
what a tiring day. began at 9am with cooking my food worth 1/2 a day and training at 11am. actually it was me training the guys. cardio at 1pm a run and a cycle. dex, yn & junkit came down only at 2pm. That's where training begins. Hit some poses for body condition inspection. Still holding a little bit of water, having a low fat % now and almost dry. Still got time to reached absolute 0. Left at 4:30? K.O.-ed on the train. Grab my 4th meal and headed to BBDC for driving. Same thing as always, 3mins into lesson...I K.O.-ed and slept. beautiful 1hr 30mins of uninterrupted sleep. 8:57pm... going for cardio again. for 35mins. what a routine life I have :/ ...
But I always have someone to look forward to everyday :)))
It keeps me going! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2010|11:49 pm] |
I need some painkillers, aspirins maybe just stab me. Just so tired... Sleep is all that I want now. But the air that we breathe is taking so much out of me that it robs me of my space and mind. Everything that's coming in is forcing finding a way out. Trying so hard to suppress it exhausts me. Getting old, whoever said turning 20/21 is fun... roll over and die. I just need a breath of fresh air every once in awhile. :/
Her heart weeps while, I desperately try to catch her tears. All I wish is to listen to your voice. |
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kenlnek's journal